𝗙𝗘𝗔𝗧𝗨𝗥𝗘 | 𝐏𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭: 𝐀 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝’𝐬 𝐑𝐚𝐠𝐞

“𝙀𝙭𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙚” - 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙚.

Expectations are the silent architects of our experiences, shaping our perceptions and influencing our actions. From the earliest stages of life, society instills within us a framework of expectations that guides our interactions and ambitions. Yet, these expectations often serve as a double-edged sword, capable of motivating us to reach greater heights or trapping us in a web of disappointment that may lead to insecurity, meekness, and emotional and mental instability.

A child is sensitive—they are young; they do understand. A child’s anger is justifiable and worthy of validation—they are human and experience emotions like adults. Children have souls—with their identities, strengths, and weaknesses that vary from one person to another. They are not puppets who shadow the older generation; they are a new generation that will pave a new path for a better future.

“𝘔𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘈𝘴𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 80% 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘷𝘦. 𝘔𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘮 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘐 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘺 80% 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘮𝘴.”

Asian children have always been academically inclined, where competition is fierce and grueling. Straight A’s written on paper matter more than social interactions and practical applications. To achieve the best to please rather than learning to strive and be better matters. It is an unhealthy process towards success, slowing down a child’s potential to excel in their unique ways.

 Some older generations believe children should show gratitude to their parents by being academically bright and brilliant. It signifies the effort of the parent to pay for their education is worth it because you’ve earned high grades. Due to this belief passed on to the youth, they gain the sense of duty and responsibility to please, which has been imprinted permanently on their lives.

 However, it was not only in academics that expectations weighed on children. Each child, depending on their situation as an only child or sibling, whatever the chronological order, eldest, middle, or youngest, has their struggles they attend to. Despite each child being unique, comparing them to others is still a common issue every child experiences.

“𝘈𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳, 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴; 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴. 𝘐 𝘥𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺.”

The eldest child, who was just born into the world, now holds the responsibility of growing up with their parents as they prepare to be the guardians of their younger siblings. They sacrifice everything to be the perfect first child their parents want them to be; the eldest—entrusted with too much expectations from parents and society alike. The eldest child feels shackled by the weight of these expectations—unable to live authentically or pursue their aspirations without the looming specter of familial obligations.

 While granted privileges such as leadership within the family unit, they bear the brunt of parental scrutiny and comparison. They are expected to excel academically and comport themselves with maturity. The eldest child suppressed their emotions, fearing reprisal or judgment from their family members. They may adopt a façade of stoicism or perfectionism, masking their rage behind a veneer of competence and compliance. Yet, beneath this facade lies a ticking time bomb of unexpressed emotions waiting to be acknowledged and addressed.

“𝘔𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦, 𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘦𝘨𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 (𝘰𝘳 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮), 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧. 𝘐𝘵 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴.”

As new siblings arrive, the middle child occupies a unique and often overlooked position. Sandwiched between the attention-grabbing eldest and the adored youngest, the middle child navigates a world of unspoken expectations, overshadowed achievements, and, at times, simmering rage. 

 The middle child's rage is a multifaceted and often misunderstood phenomenon. It is a silent storm that rages within the depths of the family unit, fueled by feelings of invisibility, inadequacy, and betrayal. The middle child internalizes their anger, burying it beneath layers of compliance and adaptability to avoid rocking the familial boat. They may become adept at masking their emotions, presenting a facade of contentment and congeniality while harboring a storm of rage beneath the surface.

 “𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘴, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺’𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘴. 𝘚𝘰, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘱𝘴, 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘥. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘦 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺’𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦. 𝘈𝘭𝘴𝘰, 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴.”

As the baby, they are often doted upon, pampered, and shielded from the harsh realities of life by both parents and older siblings. However, the youngest child may chafe against the suffocating confines of parental protection, yearning for independence and autonomy denied to them under the guise of care and concern. Often perceived as the baby, they may be infantilized and dismissed by both parents and older siblings, their opinions and desires dismissed to the sidelines—yearning to be taken seriously and treated as an equal within the family.

In a family where older siblings have already carved out their identities and accomplishments, the youngest child may struggle to find their place in the sun. They may feel overshadowed by their siblings' achievements or burdened by unrealistic expectations to live up to familial standards. This pressure to prove themselves worthy can fuel anger and rebellion, as the youngest child seeks to assert their individuality and break free from the shadows of their predecessors. They may become adept at playing the "good child," suppressing their real emotions in exchange for acceptance and approval.

“𝘎𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱, 𝘐 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺, 𝘯𝘰𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘕𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘐 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘥𝘶𝘭𝘵, 𝘯𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘢𝘨𝘦, 𝘯𝘰𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮.”

In other cases where a child is raised without the companionship of siblings, the only child navigates a world of solitude and independence. Growing up without siblings means lacking built-in playmates, confidants, and allies, resulting in the only child feeling a profound sense of alienation and a yearning for connection and companionship that seems forever out of reach. 

Moreover, the only child may experience intense pressure to excel and succeed. With no siblings to share the spotlight or shoulder familial expectations, the only child becomes the sole focus of parental attention and aspirations. They may feel suffocated by the weight of parental expectations, trapped in a cycle of perfectionism and performance anxiety. 

“𝙄𝙣𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙝 𝙤𝙛 𝙪𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙖𝙣 𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙚𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙗𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙙, 𝙞𝙣 𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣.” - 𝙇𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙖 𝙂𝙧𝙚𝙮𝙢𝙖𝙣

A child is curious—and needs guidance in every aspect of life. The need for support and understanding reigns within each child. A child is innocent—a treasured gift never to be replaced once stolen. It is a part of life where one can enjoy the moment without consequences or regrets and be happy. A child is sensitive—they are young; they do understand. Age is not an excuse to exclude a child’s right to feel and speak their minds. A child’s anger is justifiable and worthy of validation—they are human and experience emotions like adults. Children have souls—having their identities, strengths, and weaknesses that vary from one person to another. They are not puppets who shadow the older generation; they are a new generation who will pave a new path for a better future.

“𝘾𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙣 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙡𝙙𝙚𝙙, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙪𝙣𝙛𝙤𝙡𝙙𝙚𝙙” - 𝙅𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙇𝙖𝙞𝙧.